When Bixby Snyder uttered his now immortal catchphrase “I’d buy that for a dollar” in the classic sci-fi film Robocop he probably wasn’t taking about the beer situation in dystopian Detroit. Heck, with the city on verge of total collapse before Officer Alexander James "Alex" Murphy and his shiny metal coating stomped on in to save the day, I doubt one could get anything for a buck…let alone booze!
Before you proceed please ask yourself if you ever think you’d be reading an article somehow linking Ottawa to Robocop? Naw, we don’t have a giant robot on the police force (Yet!) but, like that bleak view of the Motor City, O-town residents may have a problem finding their own beers for a buck. According to a report today from the CBC, only three breweries are joining Doug Ford’s brew buckus ruckus and only two of ‘em will be available here. As of this writing there’s only one Beer Store in the Capital stocking Cool Lagar and zero LCBO’s.
But…but…Andre…we’ve still got Barley Days’ Loon Lager, right? Wrong-o! Not available here and that PC dollar brewski has gone stale, too. After only a week, Loblaw’s said it’s capping the promotion come Monday.
As somebody in my Facebook feed recently posted: “Beer is only going to cost a buck, marijuana is becoming legal and we’re teaching an out-dated sex-ed curriculum in school. What could possible go wrong?” So, yeah, maybe it’s for the best this quietly fades into the annals of terrible governmental decisions like the poll tax, Grassgate and whatever orange muck Trump coats himself with for his daily sheen.
Butttt, let’s swing the positive. At least we’ll be saving our hard earned Loonies to spend on other things. I mean, hey, there was a time when a buck went a long way. You could purchase three goats, some penny candy, a small patch of land in Embrun and still have enough left over for the picture show! These days, you, Bixby and I can’t buy much for a dollar but there are still a few choice items out there to toss your coin down for.
Forrrrrrrr example:
Coffee! As a java nut I’m always looking for places to get my bean on the cheap cheap. Outside of those flash sales at McD’s conveniently around the time Roll Up the Rim rolls in, there’s spots like Circle K offering coffee for a dollar or less. However, I prefer snagging a cup from the Nutella Café on Metcalfe or the Bramasol Diner on Bank.
A Website? Hey, now’s the time to start up that HamstersRUs.com site you’ve always wanted! GoDaddy is offering web hosting with a free domain name for 99 cents a month! That’s one basic site, unmetered bandwidth and 100 GB storage.
A Glam Rock Out! Bust out your hairspray and slop on extra eye shadow because over at the Google Play Music store you can party like it’s only gonna’ cost ya’ .99…or less. Twisted Sister’s “I Wanna Rock” is a mere 69 cents. That’s more than enough to get you thrashing your air guitar. Have you read the news in the Soho Tribune? “Girls, Gils, Girls” by Mötley Crüe is under a dollar, too, as is “Way Cool Jr.” from Ratt, “In My Dreams” by Dokken and the still totally headbangable “Foolin’” by Def Leppard! BONUS: find your cheapy glam wig at Value Village for added flowing locks and I’m sure you can pick up some scissors at Dollaramma to slice on into those jeans.
Mmm Donuts While some Tim Hortons donuts have been up’ed in price class status (why, apple fritter, why?!!?), you can still grab a few for a dollar. I’m looking at you double chocolate dip!
A Tattoo I want a tattoo of a Menorah…you want a tattoo of a Menorah. Who doesn’t want a tattoo of a Menorah and at the low low lowwwww price of .69 cents? Best of all, this tattoo of a Menorah is only temporary for that moment when you wake up on December 11th realizing you probably shouldn’t have gotten a tattoo of a Menorah.
Something For The Special Gal In Your Life You Only Want To Spend A Dollar On Ok…I know…I know…this Ladies 8 Shape Pendant Alloy Bracelet is actually $1.01 but we don’t have pennies any more so they don’t count, right? Err…don’t hold me to shipping. Anyway, that extra few cents is worth the lovely smile on your sweethearts face she’ll be sporting before her wrist turns green.
All You’ve Ever Wanted to Know About Mormons But Were Afraid to Ask The History of Joseph Smith by His Mother is a biography of the Latter Day Saint prophet Joseph Smith, according to his mother, Lucy Mack Smith. It was originally titled Biographical Sketches of Joseph Smith, the Prophet, and His Progenitors for Many Generations and was published by Orson Pratt in Liverpool in 1853.
A Bizarre Painting of Danny DeVito Errr…’nuff said.
So, with a full cup of coffee, a donut to munch on, a night of rockin’ out, a gift for your sweetie, some new (temporary ink), a website to share the new path in life you’ve found on your Kindle and Danny DeVito…honestly, I ask ya’, who needs buck-a-beer?