With the school year coming to a close parents may be noticing stranger than usual behaviour from their kids. While the excitement and hyperactivity usually only reserved for this time of year, Christmas morning or after eating a barrel full of Snickers bars is still there, mixed in with the wild and wide-eyed merriment are…wait…is that kid dancing?
Oh yeah, parentals, they be cuttin’ the proverbial rug and best be ready for these spontaneous dance attacks to happen in your living room, at the kitchen table, in the produce section and, well, practically anywhere they find the space to move. Before you rush ‘em to emerg or up their meds, know that this craze has been going on in the school yard all year long. I know, your wee one may not have been Breakin’ 2 Electric Boogaloo’ing to the idea of dance classes before. Madam Fifi Le Arabesque Penchée’s Ballet and Tacos just wasn’t capturing their attention, huh? That’s because they didn’t have the right teacher.
Meet Fortnite, your dance instructor courtesy of Epic Games.
This is currently the biggest game on the planet! Now, I know what you’re thinking: Hey, Andre, I’ve seen my kid crazy glued to multiple screens playing this and Dance Dance Revolution it ain’t. Well, you’re right!
The core gameplay is like stapling The Hunger Games to Minecraft with a PG version of the Japanse dystopian thriller Batoru Rowaiaru shellacked on top of it all for some extra gloss. 100 players are dropped on to an island where only the most skilled survive…the most skilled and those who can find a bush to hide in. You race around various themed areas like Tomato Town, Tilted Towers and Retail Row in a frantic search for treasure chests containing weaponry and other goodies while avoiding an approaching life sucking storm --which, coincidentally, was my ex's nickname for me.
Like the Pet Rock, Rubik’s Cube, Angry Birds and Hanson before it, the Fortnite fad has been catapulted to the forefront of pop culture by kids the world over, wedging itself somewhere between the poop emojii and fidget spinners. Why is it so popular? Outside of the fact that Epic released the Battle Royal mode as a totally free game, Fortnite is highly addictive with the game adding new challenges and skins pretty well every day to keep you playing.
And for free they are sure raking in the cash. If little Billy is begging to use your credit card it’s so he can get some sweet, sweet V-Bucks. This is the games currency and if you think people aren’t buying it here’s a stat for ya’:
Fornite made nearly $300 million in the month of April. That’s $10,000,000 a day . . . about $416,666 every hour. People are dropping real coin on these fako buckaroos every minute and here’s where the dances come in.
The game allows you to purchase emotes but, let’s face it, these are really just a wonderful way to taunt your fallen opponent or get your groove on while waiting for a battle bus to pickup you up. The moves are not just popular amongst the wee ones, either. Soccer stars like Jesse Lingard and Antoine Griezmann have been busting them out on the field! The Boston Red Sox have adapted the game’s popular “Take the L” dance as their celebratory move of choice. Boxer Teofimo Lopez Jr broke out the same taunt after KO’ing Vitor Freitas last month.
Okay, for EtA’s Parental Public Service Of the Month (only 56 more hours to go, Officer Krumpke!), here’s a breakdown of some of the games more popular dances, what you think your kids are doing when attempting them and their real life origins.
Hype
What you think you are seeing: My child appears to have just violently stubbed his toe on the coffee table again but, this time, they love it!
What it is: Also known as the “shoot dance”, this move originated in the video for the tune “Shoot” by BlocBoy JB. The video received more than 16 million views in less than a year and sparked off the meme of others uploading themselves doing the dance.
How to do it: This dance is simple enough. You just need to hop on one foot, kick out the other and shake your fist while moving your elbow.
Floss
What you think you are seeing: Billy, I told you not to put the hamster down your shorts anymore!
What it is: Though off the charts popular now, this one dates back to 2013 when California’s Lakewood High School posted a vid on YouTube where students danced like this to Katy Perry’s “Roar”. It didn’t really gain steam, however, until 16-year-old Russell Horning (AKA: Backpack Kid) started posting videos of himself doing the move. Others started copying it but things went viral when he was invited to dance alongside Perry herself in a May 2017 Saturday Night Live performance.
How to do it: Bend your knees a bit, make a set of fists, relax your arms on either side of your body and then begin to swing them left and right around your torso while your hips move in the opposite direction. Once you got the hang of it increase your speed. Voila…you’re Flossing.
Orange Justice
What you think you are seeing: Your child is trying to rapidly abstain from blame for a thus far undiscovered crime. Why does the cat have a mohawk, Billy?
What it is: If this game has a hero, it's not Omega, Valor or even it's most popular player, Ninja. Nope, it's Orange Shirt Kid. In April, Epic asked players to join their Boogie Down brigade, a contest where you could submit your own dances. Despite his own proclamation that his dance was "so cringe", it became a sensation making OSK a legend. 11,000 people signed a Change.org petition to ensure that justice would be done...Orange Justice, and a dance was born much to the surprise of it's originator. "THEY ADDED IT OMGOMG,” he tweeted after his moves were immortalized. “ORANGE JUSTICE BOI. Can’t wait for someone to kill me, know its me then do my dance. It’ll be so funny. GG Epic.” Somewhere Roy Purdy is shaking his fist at a cloud and screaming "I was robed!"
How to do it: Don't cast judgement on this OJ just because it's creator is a kid. This dance is kinda' complex. Bend your leg like you've just broken it, twist your body, move your arms in a motion that you might make when asking "what the heck did I do" (see Thanos above) . . . a sorta' reverse flapping but it has to be in sync with your legs. The final result should look like you are pushing back. Once you think you've figured that out, you can move onto the cross. Thrust your arms out and cross them at the wrists. Finally, end this batch of rando madness with the clap...err...meaning clap above your head but not with your hands, with your wrists. You know, maybe you should look this one up on YouTube. I'm sure there are a wack of five-year-olds that can explain this better than I can.
Jubilation
What you think you are seeing: Help! My child is being attacked by fire ants!!!
What it is: Somebody at Epic is clearly a Seinfeld fan but you have Julia Louis-Dreyfus to thank for this one. Before she was doing “the little kicks”, Elaine performed this dance of joy on the show’s Season 4 episode “The Wallet” back in 1992. Hey, Epic, what are the chances of showin' Balki Bartokomous a little love, huh?
How to do it: Outside of looking like you are being attacked by fire ants, toss your hands up above your head in a V and look like you are about to give the most epic of high fives. Then make your eyes Disney princess kinda’ big and sort of run in place with a speed akin to Usain Bolt making a dash to the finish line. (Note: exceptionally cathartic to do in front of a felled opponent. Yup, there’s some LOLZ to be had)
Take the L
What you think you are seeing: My child is attempting a hoedown with an L on her head. (What...it means...what? HEY!)
What it is: Take the L means “take the loss”, a taunt developed by Epic to rub a little stank in the wounds of the opponent now crawling at your feet. Some of this dance, if the creepy circus music is any indication, may have been inspired by Pennywise the Dancing Clown in It. Thanks Stephen King for even more nightmare fuel!
How to do it: Place one hand on your stomach like your rubbin’ your tummy tum tum or clutching your belt buckle. The other hand goes up to your forehead with your thumb and pointer finger making an L. Then kick out your legs to either side of your body nice and high hoedown style!
Tidy
What you think you are seeing: Either my kid wants a feather duster to clean the book shelf or he’s missing half of “wax on / wax off”.
What it is: This dainty little number was first performed by Snoop Dogg in his video for “Drop It Like It’s Hot”.
How to do it: You sorta’ just bop in one place, knees slightly bent, with one fisted hand grooving slowly at belly button level while the other makes a circular motion from left to right at the top of your chest. Higgle de biggldy!
Groove Jam
What you think you are seeing: Wait, is my kid doing the dance from Napoleon Dynamite?
What it is: Yup, your kid’s doing the dance from Napoleon Dynamite. The movie may have come out in 2004 but the inclusion in Fortnite still shows that Jon Heder had some sick skills, yo.
How to do it: Bustler.com really explained this best right down to the Wolverine claw shuffle, swat at the bee and the pelvic thrust that really drives them insa-a-a-a-a-ane. Checker’ out.
Flippin’ Sexy
What you think you are seeing: You’re not thinking you’re seeing…if your kid tried this you're seeing a chiropractor.
What it is: This 100 point of difficulty move is based on a Brazilian viral video in which a young Romeo introduced himself to a sunbathing woman by flipping into a perfect "whatudoiiiiiiin'" pose in the sand beside her. No word on whether a) it worked or b) how many ribs he broke.
How to do it: Umm…probably best to leave this one for the beach bums!
Alright parents, my work here is done. Use these tutorials to wow and embarrass as you see fit!